Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards Part Two....

Yes guys, my brain has finally awoken from its Monday-itis and has decided it would love to partake in everyones favourite game: judging people. Well, Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards aren't all about the judgment, they are also about other things. Like....... um... well.... ok, so maybe they are just about judging people (or footy players in particular) but its done tastefully i guess. I mean, who wouldn't want to be known as Footy's Best Grandpa? You should feel honoured Steve Price. Anyway, back to these awards. Today i'll try to cover as much as i can before my dad kicks me off/I get bored/I feel like watching Bad Romance by Lady Gaga for the 235486th time (its a fantastic video clip ok?!)

Our first award tonight is the "Cheer-Up-Grumpy-Pants" Award. This one goes out to all those sour pusses in Rugby League. I mean, come on people, your playing the greatest game on earth AND getting payed for it. As a shirt I read when I went to bali would say: Toughen Up Princess. And the winner is.....

Trent Barret

I don't even know why, theres just something about this man that seems cranky. Everyone says he's such a nice guy and stuff but i'm just getting sooky lala cranky man vibe from him. Maybe it's coz he played for the 'Nulla Sharks this year? Just saying....

And I was like, "Hey man i'm fucking Trent." "Trent, Trent, Trent"

Honourable Mentions

• Jonathan Thurston
  
  

• Darren Lockyer
  
  

• Jared Waerea-Hargreaves
  

The next award is one of the most coveted. Its a pretty sought after award and its a very tight field. Its "League's Best Ranga" the competition is uberly stiff (hehe "stiff") in this catagory. To be elegible for this award, all you need is red hair. Its simple, it science. So lets reveal the winner, shall we?

Ben Jones

Watch out! Ginger Ninja on the loose!

The reason why I chose Jonesy is for this simple fact: His hair is actually like an Orangutan. And that's were the nick name "ranga" came from. None of this prissy Peter Wallace style blonded-up-rednut-traitor shit. Ben has stuck to his roots and kept the ginger do. You go Ben Jones!

Honourable Mentions

• Alan Tongue
  
  

• Keith Galloway

• Shane Shackleton

Our thris award for the evening is the "Tres-Chic" award. This one's for all the trend setters out there. These boys either brought back or created a trend in Rugby League that see juniours go out there on the weekend and try to re-create all the awesome shiz their heroes have been doing..... AND THE WINNER IS.....

Fui Fui Moi Moi and His Amazing Hair

I, want to cut hair.....

Every game during season 2009 Fui Fui tried to spice up his hair differently. He is amazing because not even I can do that. My aim was to not wear my hair the same way two days in a row, but then I failed when I discovered the messy-bun-with-braided-fringe style. Maybe Fui should try that one next year?......

Honourable Mentions

• Robbie Farah and His Retro Headband
  

• Adam Blair (plus the rest of the kiwis) and Their Low Socks Brigade

Jarryd Hayne and His Red Boots

Now, this next award is one the reciepient would not be happy to recieve. The "How Embarrassment" Award is given to the most embarrassing on/off field incident during season 2009. This could be something they've done, said or implied. And the winner is.....

Nate Myles Shitting in Hotel Hallway

This one is pretty obvious. After a year of allegations towards footballers about sex scandals, drunkeness, breaking the law and fights, what more could go wrong? Oh yeah, Origin and Rooster Prop Nate Myles can take a steaming dump in the corridor of the hotel after being locked out of his room, naked. Its quiet a funny story when you read it. But, how embarrassed would you be? Im embarrassed when I feel the urge to fart in public let alone take a shit in the hallway coz im hungover and naked. You make me proud to be a Queensland Footy Lover, so thanks Nate....

Oh Fuck, He's at it again....

Honourable Mentions

• Ben Hannant has Swine Flu/Diarrhea

• Referee Tony De Las Heras Gets knocked out

• Krisnan Inu and His Thigh Boil
  
  

  

So there you have it folks. The "Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards" are done and dusted for another year. Tune in next time when I give my expert predictions for season 2010.

Love,

Mazza xx