Bitchhhh..

Hello there, faithful followers... ?

I hate truth box.. on myspace.. cause every time I look at my truths I get very disapointed.

It's always like, "You're a slut!" and "Bitchhh". Fuck people, I'm not a slut.. i still got my V-Card and yeah, maybe I am a bitch sometimes (hehe) but I don't need people telling me!

Ok, I'm glad I got that off my chest. And just so you know, Twinkie, that poem was

AH-MAZING! It was uber beautiful even if it scared me a bit, haha.

Anywho, I'm going to write a list of the top 20 most interesting things about me, because Mazza did it and I wanna be cool like her. :)

#20
I have a phobia of clowns. True stuff people! It's called Coulrophobia. Yep and they scare the Beejeebers outta me. Nearly everytime I see one, I cry.

#19

I'm in love with speedway! Me and my sister are currently doing up a race car and it's purple :)

I can't really drive it yet but i know where the brakes are and I went forward once... so that's a start.

#18

I can't swim.. well, not very well. That's not that exciting but I just thought I should put it in there anyway.

#17

I hate stoners with a passion! Not offence anyone out there who does it. I'm sorry. It's only cause I fell for a stoner and he broke my heart :(

#16 I have blonde hair and green eyes.. how exciting... (said with sarcasm) hehe

#15 My favourite animals are giraffes and penguins. I have no idea why though. I guess it's just coz they're CUTE AS!

#14 I have six family members (well, eleven if you include my puppy and my goldfish). I can't tell you their names but I can tell you that I have one brother, two sisters, one mum, one dad, one dog and four goldfish. My goldfishes names are George, Rufus, Poppet and Noodles. Pretty rad eh?

#13 My lucky number! My birthday was Friday the 13th of November this year but I had no bad luck whatsoever. It was an awsome day!

#12 My all time favourite movie is defs Toy Story! It's fuckin hilarious! I have a fetish for nearly all disney movies.

#11
I played Rugby League on the guys team for 3 years. I also played soccer for 3 years, futsal for 4 years and six-a-side for one year. I also kick ass at Singstar and Buzz. (they're sports too.. ok?)

#10 I work in a fudge and lollie shop. It's pretty good and i get paid heaps! I also get to eat fudge all day long but after a while, I got over it. I also have to wear a jelly bean apron so that's a bit wierd. Haha

#9 Crazy Cat Lady is one of my heroes. Coz one day, I plan to be just like her. I'm gonna live in a shabby hut and throw cats at passer bys. Hehehe. I'm so evil and creepy.

#8

When I grow up, I wanna be a cop! Yep, that's right, a policeman. Then I can run around and arrest all the stoners in the world (no offence again) and drive an awesome police car with sirens and I'll tazer people. Nah joking.. i'm not that evil.

#7

I really really really really really don't like the word "Moist" or "Corn" for some reason. Yeah, I know.. pretty weird. Just ask Mazza, Twinkie or Danasaur.

#6

Once, I tried to learn to play the guitar. But I failed, even though I had guitar lessons. My teacher was a bit creepy.. He's all like, "My favourite string is the G-string.. hehehe" I'm gonna try to teach myself one day.

#5

I have never been on an aeroplane and I have never been out of Australia. I went into NSW once but that was for year 6 camp and it wasn't all that exciting. My dream is to go on an aeroplane one day.. Yep, that's goin on my bucket list!

#4

My all time favourite smells are:

• Dark Temptation Deoderant (Chocolate)


• Mazza's Unique Smell


• Rain


• Food (Any.. except liqourice and sultanas)

#3 I'm currently in a relationship with Dilly.. that's not his real name. I can't tell you his real name because some creepy old man will hunt him down and try to rape him (unlikely) or he'll just go rank at me (highly likely).

#2 Nearly there.. I love dressing up! It's sooo fun and I'm addicted to it. Danasaur, Twinkie and I all dressed up as Mimes for Cross Country. (Mazza was in Bali so she couldn't dress up with us) We looked really scary!

#1
Last and DEFINATELY LEAST!
I'm moving to Maryborough next year, which means I have to leave everything and everyone that I love behind. It's depressing and I don't know what i'm going to do without my buddies :(

Ok then.. Ciao
Love Ota xx :D

I'm Feeling Poetic...

I walk through the hallway holding my wrists, hoping no-one will see me like this. He looks at me, scared of what he'll find. He never thought I had these things in mind. He asks me, "Is there anymore?" Looking at him with tears in my eyes, I whisper a simple reply, "Ever wondered what bracelets are for?"

Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards Part Two....

Yes guys, my brain has finally awoken from its Monday-itis and has decided it would love to partake in everyones favourite game: judging people. Well, Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards aren't all about the judgment, they are also about other things. Like....... um... well.... ok, so maybe they are just about judging people (or footy players in particular) but its done tastefully i guess. I mean, who wouldn't want to be known as Footy's Best Grandpa? You should feel honoured Steve Price. Anyway, back to these awards. Today i'll try to cover as much as i can before my dad kicks me off/I get bored/I feel like watching Bad Romance by Lady Gaga for the 235486th time (its a fantastic video clip ok?!)

Our first award tonight is the "Cheer-Up-Grumpy-Pants" Award. This one goes out to all those sour pusses in Rugby League. I mean, come on people, your playing the greatest game on earth AND getting payed for it. As a shirt I read when I went to bali would say: Toughen Up Princess. And the winner is.....

Trent Barret

I don't even know why, theres just something about this man that seems cranky. Everyone says he's such a nice guy and stuff but i'm just getting sooky lala cranky man vibe from him. Maybe it's coz he played for the 'Nulla Sharks this year? Just saying....

And I was like, "Hey man i'm fucking Trent." "Trent, Trent, Trent"

Honourable Mentions

• Jonathan Thurston
  
  

• Darren Lockyer
  
  

• Jared Waerea-Hargreaves
  

The next award is one of the most coveted. Its a pretty sought after award and its a very tight field. Its "League's Best Ranga" the competition is uberly stiff (hehe "stiff") in this catagory. To be elegible for this award, all you need is red hair. Its simple, it science. So lets reveal the winner, shall we?

Ben Jones

Watch out! Ginger Ninja on the loose!

The reason why I chose Jonesy is for this simple fact: His hair is actually like an Orangutan. And that's were the nick name "ranga" came from. None of this prissy Peter Wallace style blonded-up-rednut-traitor shit. Ben has stuck to his roots and kept the ginger do. You go Ben Jones!

Honourable Mentions

• Alan Tongue
  
  

• Keith Galloway

• Shane Shackleton

Our thris award for the evening is the "Tres-Chic" award. This one's for all the trend setters out there. These boys either brought back or created a trend in Rugby League that see juniours go out there on the weekend and try to re-create all the awesome shiz their heroes have been doing..... AND THE WINNER IS.....

Fui Fui Moi Moi and His Amazing Hair

I, want to cut hair.....

Every game during season 2009 Fui Fui tried to spice up his hair differently. He is amazing because not even I can do that. My aim was to not wear my hair the same way two days in a row, but then I failed when I discovered the messy-bun-with-braided-fringe style. Maybe Fui should try that one next year?......

Honourable Mentions

• Robbie Farah and His Retro Headband
  

• Adam Blair (plus the rest of the kiwis) and Their Low Socks Brigade

Jarryd Hayne and His Red Boots

Now, this next award is one the reciepient would not be happy to recieve. The "How Embarrassment" Award is given to the most embarrassing on/off field incident during season 2009. This could be something they've done, said or implied. And the winner is.....

Nate Myles Shitting in Hotel Hallway

This one is pretty obvious. After a year of allegations towards footballers about sex scandals, drunkeness, breaking the law and fights, what more could go wrong? Oh yeah, Origin and Rooster Prop Nate Myles can take a steaming dump in the corridor of the hotel after being locked out of his room, naked. Its quiet a funny story when you read it. But, how embarrassed would you be? Im embarrassed when I feel the urge to fart in public let alone take a shit in the hallway coz im hungover and naked. You make me proud to be a Queensland Footy Lover, so thanks Nate....

Oh Fuck, He's at it again....

Honourable Mentions

• Ben Hannant has Swine Flu/Diarrhea

• Referee Tony De Las Heras Gets knocked out

• Krisnan Inu and His Thigh Boil
  
  

  

So there you have it folks. The "Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards" are done and dusted for another year. Tune in next time when I give my expert predictions for season 2010.

Love,

Mazza xx

Party

heyy peeps
you see im in a bit of a cucumber im having a party right but u see there certain things ppl need and im finding it hard to accompainy these needs like uncle beattie wants to stay at someones place but we want to stay at the beach and dilly wont let us have any of his beer and yer its all so confusing and plus i have to be the resbonsible drinker so im like well thats just total shit isnt it yer well

catch ya xoxo

iiiiiiiiiiittttttttttssssss Danasaur

sup ppl my name is danasaur and im one of the four sexiest ppl alive aarnt i lucky haha now this is my first blog evaaaaaaa so bare with me now let me tell u my real name cause i dont lying to ppl it is.....................................danasaur haha tricked you lol haha now let me tell u a bit about myself
1: im kiwi
2: i play rugby league
3: i have red hair but ill tell u more about that later
4:im short
5:i love maoris haha

now i think thats enough for one blog
catch ya xoxo

Mazza's 2009 Footy Awards Part One....

Tonight, children you are extremely, extremely privilaged to be present for the announcement of the 2009 Footy Awards. Tonight, I will be counting down the best (and worst) things in footy, from "The Best Ranga" award, all the way down to "The Cheer-Up-Grumpy-Pants" award. So, no more jibba-jabba, lets jump straight into it.


"Footy's Best Grandpa"

The first award is pretty simple. "Footy's Best Grandpa." Receipients for this award are elegible by age. Usually they must be 35 or over to recieve it (but some exceptions can be made for you young spritely pops) And the winner is.....


Steven Price

At 35 years old, (former) Warriors Captain Steve Price is the oldest man in league. And for that fact alone, that makes him "Footys Best Grandpa" Theres nothing more to it, hes old, and hes a footy player (also he loves bucket hats. Im pretty sure every team he plays for has specially mad bucket hats ordered so Pricey can be comfortable. He is all for sun safety)......

Ol' Steve really loves his bucket hats.....

Honorable Mentions

These are the people who were old, but just not old enough to take the rains from the winner. These include:

• Wendell Sailor

• Adam Mcdougall

• Stacey Jones

League's Chubby Bubby

Everyone loves a fat person who's good at sport. But not often these days professional athletes don't have the muffin tops and love handles like they used to. But this man has bought back the fat, in a big way....

George Rose

Stretch it Georgie!!

George Rose is my inspiration. He's been a revelation for Manly (go you might sea eagles!) this year and is also, well, a little bit on the chubby side. Not that theres anything wrong with that, I think hes fantastic :) Also, he won Fox Sports "Props Pentathalon" this year. He's just winning awards left right and centre.....

Honorable Mentions

• Danny Wicks

• Jarrad Hickey

• Steve Southern

The Shnuckums Award

This one's for the cutest player in rugby league. There's just something about them; their not particularly attractive; Just soooo adorable :)

Daniel Mortimer

My my my my mum says I can run weally weally fast.....

I like to call Daniel "Big Blue Eyes" coz hes got the most adorable eyes.... and everything he does is so cute. I was watching his first game for Parra, and I was like "he's actually cute like, not sexy or I would screw him or whatever just plain old cute" And I was totally bias just coz I think hes amazing....

Honourable Mentions

• Kevin Locke

• Marc Herbert (I think I just like his name + he dressed as Trent from Punchy for Mad Monday.....)

• Krisnan Inu

Inked and Dangerous

This award goes to the most tatted up footy boy. They don't necessarily have to be "dangerous" as such, I just thought those two words went well together, like "armed and dangerous"

Mat Rogers

Mat Rogers has some pretty crazy sleeve action going on, but it's all good coz it represents stuff. I'm pretty sure he would win if they had to count every tattoed square inch. He's got shit loads of ink!

Honourable Mentions

• Ben Rogers

• Nathan Fein

• Eric Grothe Jr

So thats all we have time for tonight folks. Part Two (and possibly part three if my brain is feeling up to it) Will be coming in the next couple of days. So stay tuned guys :)

Love Mazza xx

One day I'll get in Batmans pants!

Ok guys...

I'm in a pickle...



I'm babysitting at the moment and so far it's been shithouse! Seriously! The dog has vomited on the carpet, my little brother cried and mum left curried poo sandwiches for dinner! (not really, they were corn relish and some other shiz).

My Puppy, Jack!

But that's not why i'm in a pickle...

I believe that Batman is wayyyyyy sexier than Spiderman. Nobody else agrees with me. I mean, look at him.. he's yummy!

He would kick Spidermans tooshie any day.

Awwww... :) Dilly sent me the cutest txt the other day and I honestly dont care if you people hate this lovey dovey shit... too bad, i love it! It said...

"If I had to choose between breathing and loving you, i would use my last breathe to say i love you"

It's beautiful. And i know he got it off one of his friends but it's still gorgeous.

Guys... i miss Trey and Kane!

They're my bro's. One day I'll get Mazza to tell you the story simply coz i couldn't be stuffed to tell you myself.

BTW MAZZA! You still haven't done that photo comparing thing for Dilly. Hehe..

As Mazza said before, the running man dance is THE SHIZ! and if you dont like it, then u can go and get.... turkey slapped. It's a pity that me and Danasaur can't do it properly. It's funny though.

LOL! Good times at Badminton... *sigh* I'm gonna miss those days... Haha. Next year, I'm moving to hilbilly country... Maryborough. (No offence guys). Mayborough better watch out.. COZ HERE COMES OTA BITCHES!! I almost wrote my real name jst then.. Oh dear.

K byeeee!!!

Love Ota xx

I Told Ya'll I Was Psychic.....

Let me take you back to my last post chickens. Yeah, you know the one. The one about how Big Dell is the sweet angel of league and how the kiwis only play good when there Haka is all up in your face and shit. Oh, and what else was there? THE THING ABOUT HOW BORING AND PREDICTABLE THE FOUR NATIONS GRAND FINAL WOULD BE? Ahhhhhh.... its all coming back to you know isn't it! So i'm basically just posting now to gloat. You see i've always thought of myself as a bit of a psychic.

Australia will win the four nations.... ohhh, ahhhh.....

And was I right? Of course I was fucking right. I'm always right! (at least i'd like to think so anyway....) Well, there were a few minor details that I didn't exactly predict correctly. Take a look at my last post:

"I bet Australias gonna win by 10 points, there will be biff somewhere in the game, and that Crabtree fellow will give away 5 penalties. (I don't know why i'm picking on you Mr Crabtree. Maybe it's coz you've got a funny name and long hair. I apologize for my ignorance.)"

So, Australia won by 30 points, There wasn't exactly any "biff" in the game and i'm pretty sure Eorl Crabtree (hehe Crabtree) didn't give away that many penalties. BUT STILL, THE AUSSIES WON! And we all know that's all that matters.

STAN FOR PM

Ok, so you all know that I believe that Stan Walker is God's gift, yada yada yada, and that he should totes win Australian Idol. And tonight, i'm watching Australian Idol whilst blogging. Doesn't that amaze you??

I'm the female version of this. I'm the multitasking extraordinaire

And right now, he's performing this song called "black box" that will be his first single when he wins Ozzy Idol (or "if" he wins if you're a Stan hater. And all I have to say to you is BOOOOO, HISSSSSSS. And also, piss off.) Anyway, when he's singing I picture him doing stuff (not dirty stuff! Gosh, I love him, but he's too cute to picture making sexy times.) I mean like domestic stuff. Like folding the washing, and picking the kids up from school (although he doesn't have kids. Yet. According to This he wants a wife and seven kids asap. Fuck, my mum and dad think i'm crazy coz I want four. YOUR GONNA BE LIKE OCTODAD, STAN! CEPT YOU'LL HAVE ONE LESS KID! Also, it says his childhood was straight out of the movie "Once Were Warriors" How sad is that? I love OWW, and you know how Niggz is my homie, but far out that movie is sad. It make me cry every time I watch it. And my poor Stany boy had a childhood like that!?!!? This is outrageous. But, it's all good people coz Stan found God and got his life back on track. AND OMGGGGGGGG. I just read the most amazing thing. He wants his first daughter to be called Ataahua which means beautiful in Maori (and is also what he has tattoed on his neck) and I WANTED MY DAUGHTER TO BE CALLED ATAAHUA!!! This is amazing people. I think we're kindred spirits. And, he was gonna be a teen dad but his then GF miscarriaged. AWWWWWWWWWWWW! Thats so sad! But wait, that proves he has made sexy times! Wow, little Stanley is un-pure. Noooooooo......

Anyway, i've gone a bit off track here, I was telling you about how I picture Stan doing domestic shit. And then I pictured him where he should be: the Prime Minister of Australia. Wouldn't that be grand people? Can't you just picture it now, Stan walker in Parliament House, Yelling at the opposition leader "Aye Bru, fush end chups shuld be free for everybudy bru!"

Swanny is not impressed with Prime Minister Walkers spirit fingers....

Also, I could totes imagine him doing the Haka before making his speech. He just did a scary Haka face whilst singing "Sweet Dreams" by Beyonce, so he would totes doing it in Parliament

This is our future Prime Minister people, be very very scared.

So, Stan is now in the Grand Final of Australian Idol, and you neeeeeeed to vote for him otherwise Hayley will win. And we can't have that, coz shes from Sutherland. Aka the home of the Cronulla Sutherland Sharks. And the Sharks played shiteous in 2009, so by that assumption alone I believe that Hayley will do shiteous in the music industry..... It's a great prediction I think. And on that note, all that jibba-jabba comes back to the fact that i'm psychic. SO VOTE FOR STAN! TEXT STAN TO 19 10 10!!!! (i'm not getting paid anything for this endorsment people so don't send me hate mail coz of some "conflict of interest" bulldhit)

Anyway, its almost my bed time kiddies. You see, Aunty Mazza needs as much beauty sleep as she can get if she wants to look 1/15th as good as Twinkie, Ota and Danasaur. So night-night my little ones, don't let the bed bugs bite :)

Love, Mazza xx

Farewell Dell, You Sweet Angel of League.... (plus why I think the Kiwis really lost)

Its true darlings, the peoples champ, Wendell Sailor has announced his retirement.
My heart is currently in mourning. You see, Big Dell brought character to the game with his disco dancing and mascot high-fiving. He turned his life around. From a drug using union douche, to the dragons go to man, he transformed.

The international Dell sure can rock the shizzle out of a beret....

I mean, hes 35 years old people! Some people at school have parents younger than that. Its my belief that footy players age much like dogs. so i year equals 7.... which means dell should be...... 245. Shit. I should've thought that one out. I was thinking it might have been 90 or something. Damn me and my shitty maths skills. Also I think it would be great if we made up a song for Dell. And we'll put it to the tune of "Gives you Hell" by AAR.

When you see Dell's face hope he gives you
hell,

When you walk in Dell's way hope he gives you
hell,

When he hears this song I hope he sings
along,

or i'm gonna be given hell.......

Anyway, in other news I would just like to talk about the Four Nations. (firstly, I vote that France can piss off and it can go back to being the tri-nations. It's just upseting when a team never wins a game and even a footy nut like me has never heard of any of the players on their team. They are like the me of the four-nations *sob*) ITS FUCKING RIDICULOUS PEOPLE. It's Australia v England in the final. *yawn* I mean, how boring is that gonna be? I bet Australias gonna win by 10 points, there will be biff somewhere in the game, and that Crabtree fellow will give away 5 penalties. (I don't know why i'm picking on you Mr Crabtree. Maybe it's coz you've got a funny name and long hair. I apologize for my ignorance.)

Sorry Eorl......

It especially angers me that New Zealand aren't in the final. I won't get to see Isaac Luke and his crazy tongue for a whole like 6 months. Its kind of depressing. And people always say that you can tell how well The Kiwis are going to go in a game of footy by how well there Haka is. And so thats why I believe the Kiwis were playing shiteous this tournament. I mean just check out the Haka those crazy Kiwis through down last year when they won the world cup:

Wow. Yes, I know. Hold the tears people coz that shit was inspiring. And know check out there still-good-but-not-as-good-as-the-last-one Haka:

You see what I mean? The latter Haka was just weak in comparison. Even Adam Blair didn't pull those frg style faces. (don't ask, me and my friends just thibk he looks like a frog. Its kind of a weird observation.....)

I'm going to write a letter to NZRL and it's going to go a little
something like this:

to whom it may concern,

I fucking love the New Zealand team, and i believe they would win more games if you let them get up in the oppositions grill during the Haka. Use the 2008 world cup as an example.

Also I believe Adam Blair should be made NZ Prime Minister.
Yours Sincerely, Mazza
xxooxoxoxoxo

(Yes, I do like to give hugs and kisses to the chairman of NZRL, we're real tight...)

You know that he would totes listen to me. I mean come on, i'm a fifteen year old girl who no football player/ceo/manager/strapper/ball-boy/trainer/coach/bus driver/every single person to do with league has ever seen before. HE HAS TO LISTEN! IM A FOOTBALL FAN, WE ARE THE REASON YOU ARE RICH!

And so thats all I have to say. Good-bye Dell, and if NZRL listen to me, they will be the kings of the world.

Love Mazza xx